I am reminded again of what it means to serve Jesus. It means to die to self everyday. It means to suffer and carry the cross for Jesus to the nations! This period has been a challenging time for me as God is starting to show me what ministry is all about. To get a little of the taste of what ministry truly means...
A ministry that Cost
What does saying "Lord, I want to serve you mean?" God brought me back to the first time when I told Him that I wanted to serve Jesus. That was a time when I had just became a christian not too long ago. I didn't really understand the true meaning of it until when I became more mature in Christ. Serving Jesus is not easy. I felt God telling me this year that I was ready to serve him in a deeper way and he asked me to go for it. It took me a long time to agree, but when I finally did, I just came off my comfort zone into this battle zone right now. Ministry indeed demanded a lot of time, energy, and sacrifice from me. However, the sense of joy and peace in partnering with Christ is just so great! I know that my current and future ministry is something to which God has entrusted me with- to complete the suffering in which Jesus couldn't do. A normal person can never understand why someone would choose to suffer for God. So did I when I was at that stage in my life. But when God touches your heart, your life will absolutely not be the same anymore! I feel so blessed that God has chosen me to suffer for him and to place in my hand a sacred trust in believing that I will complete it to the best of my ability together with the holy spirit.
A ministry that will change lives
A ministry that is worthy and is going to change lives will never be easy. Why? Because by nature, people are difficult to handle. I should not complain about why its so difficult to lead other people because I myself, at some point of time was also difficult for my leader and God to handle too. Lord, although it will not be easy, I WILL make time for the things which are important to me. I'll always remember the day when someone asked me to rank what I felt was important in my life. I sort of forgotten the rest, but I never forget the one that I placed at the very top- God. Yes, God is number 1 in my life. And there'll always be time for my no.1 in my life!!!
God, I want to build up a generation that will glorify you. I'm gonna set the standards! I have a renewed heart again to want to take up this sacred trust of discipling my 12 such that I can present them perfect before you. Learnt that purity is being perfect at that stage in time. And I don't have to be so impatient with people who came to know the Lord with much more strongholds and struggles than the rest of 'normal' people.
So Lord, thank you for JX. Thank you for her because she's such a unique child. Thank you for slowly removing off the layers in your time. Lord, I see and hear that inner voice that is screaming for help. Although she may protray it out in a different way, I hear it. And I commit myself once again in breaking away strongholds and loving her in such a way that Jesus would if he was here. It may take a lifetime to mould her into more like christ, but Father, I'm willing to take up this responsibility. Thank you for the little changes that I see in her throughout these first few months. She's starting to grow! Yippee.. That to me is my satisfaction and motivation to carry on!
A ministry of continual struggle
Yes Lord, it takes a lifetime to disciple people, including me to whom you will take a lifetime to mould me more like you. Its a great, long marathon that I'll be running with my 12. But Father, this very day I commit myself back to a lifetime of winning, consolidating, discipling and eventually sending my 12. There's no resting being a mother. I can't say that I want to take a break and just throw my children aside for awhile. That is so irresponsible. I pray that this will never happen to me.
John 5:17~ Jesus said to them," My Father is always at his work to this very day, and I, too, am working."
There's no resting in doing God's work. Soon, revival will come to Singapore. And that means more work for me! Absolutely no resting! ( I don't mean physical rest here, everyone needs that!) Well, no saying, let me take a year off from God's work, from cell, from Church. Because when revival comes, I'll be trusting God for not a cell, not a tribe, but a nation! The day when I retire will be the day when I stand before God and account to him for each life he has placed in my life!
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