Four months on... reflections...

Four months on. ( minus 1.5 months of lectures and lessons) Four months of stepping into the role of an RN. Four gruelling months of battling tiredness, stress, physical and emotional fatigue. The probation period has been tough and challenging. We worked long and hard. Sometimes, the work got too tough, we went home, broke down and cried. Yet, we arise the next day, composed ourselves and back we are again, mending the broken, healing the sick.


The question came abruptly. " The journey has been so tough. What made you carry on?" I was stunned at the question. Becuase it came from somebody I least expected. And because, I didn't know. There were times when I just wanted to quit everything. Yet, what was it that made me carry on?


Real lives. Life and death. Making critical clinical decisions. Presenting cases. Focus and discipline to read up on my cases after a long and hard day. Not losing the subtle signs. Steep learning curve.
Yet, learning to care in the midst of stress. Learning to smile and to bring comfort. Learning to keep dreams alive.


Four months on. And it amazes me how much I have grown and matured. How I am able to cope with surmounting stress, how to handle distresful situations. How to handle emotions and ministering to them. I learnt compassion, grace, servant leadership.


Recently, a spate of events caused me to rethink again of my purpose, my calling. On what criteria do I judge myself? Is my criteria the same as that which is spelled out for me by man? Magnet- The highest accreditation and honor given to nursing excellence to any organisation. Yet, it meant nothing to me personally. I have learnt to judge myself based on criterias set out for me by the One who have called me in.


Four months on. Working hard to be the best of the best. Struggling to work through surmounting challenges. Learning to overcome insecurity/inferiority. Learning to stand tall in the midst of critics and to be quiet and confident in the Lord alone.

Four months on. And I learnt, and am still learning... That great care comes not from the mind, but from the heart. Lord, teach me. To be the best of the best. Not in terms of man's standards, but from the standards you set for me the day you called me out and set me apart.