scary plan ahead

God, I'm scared.
I really am.

I'm not prepared for the task to which you have called me for.
I'm not sure if I'm ready for it.
I can't be sure.

You have called.
You have spoken.
I know you have.
Its that familiar you speaking to me.
And it has been confirmed in such a manner that I cannot deny that this is your plan for me.
But... why God? Why so tough?

You have told me about your big plan in a vague way to me.
Yet. When the real training comes, I stand staring at the plan... terrified.

My heart cries out.
I tell God " No".
No God, I don't want to. I really don't want.

How would I be able to survive that?
Or rather, how would I accomplish what you have called me to do?
You have reminded me of your calling for me.
Yet. When the real thing comes,
I feel like running away, far far away.

Human weakness overcomes. I fall over.
The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.
Why God, why.
Why are you so real? Why have you given such a strong and undeniable sign?

I run back to God crying...
Crying out to God as how Jesus did
"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me."
But just like how Jesus responded, so will my response be
"Yet not my will, but yours be done."

Sob :(