The greatest of these is love

The past few days have been relatively stressful both at work as well as preparations for further studies. It struck me once again how little I actually know and how much more I have to read up. It frustrates me because I know that I have to read up on so many cases/questions/doubts, yet still needing to memorise physics formulas, chemical equations, practising to speed up essay writings and trying all ways to find some biochemistry course. The lack of time to even know my cases (let alone know my patients) and the mad rush for things to be done NOW NOW NOW is just madness. What adds up is the fact that I realise I cannot remember so many things that I have previously studied before and yes, I cannot answer so many of your questions. Why am I so lacking behind in clinical knowledge? And why when there are so many other issues that deserve much more attention, do we spend our time chasing after accreditations, competencies and memorising endless protocols/processes, of which we will forget after all that accreditation? And yes, implementing new procedures/forms/and more paper work that takes away precious patient time (which is already squeezed out of us) and of which are practically impractical to practise daily just so that we can be proud to call ourselves accreditated!

I see so many, so many patients who come in with various acuity each day. I checked myself. Have I become much more emotionally detached since joining the emergency department? Have I become cynical, detached and fatigued? The signs of compassion fatigue, combined with the inability to align heart and soul with the institution and the logic of functional nursing just weared me down. 

Then, I was prompted in the spirit to flip through an old journal. An entry dated all the way back before I even started my nursing training caught my eye and spirit.

The Greatest of these is Love

Though I articulate the contemporary jargon of medicine, 
If I have not understanding that touches the heartbeat of my patients, 
I only generate chatter.

Though I boast of degrees, awards and publications,
and my skills reflect the wonderment of technology,
If I have not mastered the gift of compassion,
my endeavours are hollow.

Though I impress my colleagues with my intellectual prowess and lofty idealism,
If I offer not the instrument of self,
I serve my patients with mere activity.

Though I devote my very life to the profession and forfeit personal desires,
If I become cynical, detached and fatigued to the point of indifference,
my energy is expended in futility.

Though I integrate the art and science of medicine,
translate research into clinical practice,
and achieve professional notoriety,
If I do not notice wounded hearts and broken dreams,
My mission is not fulfilled.

I may be competent, dependable, efficient,
but if I fail to communicate the language of love,
I practice medicine in vain.

Faith, hope and love- these are all cravings of the human spirit,but...
The greatest of these is love.

Have I shown love to any of them today?