Starting work

Its almost a month since I started working. And yes, it was a tough month filled with lots of feelings, thoughts, challenges, reflections, high and lows. There was so much fear, anxiety, thoughts of whether I’m competent enough to provide safe and excellent care, expectations, uncertainty…

For a start, our future is pretty much uncertain. Our job description (JD) is still not approved, expectations are vague but definitely high and filled with lots of pressure to perform. Got to learn to deal with being labelled as “NUS”, very sensitive questions about our pay ( which by the way is supposed to be a private and confidential thing) and being understanding and tactful in dealing with jealousy. I had to learn the technique of side-stepping and diverting questions away from sensitive issues from supervisors and colleagues while still maintaining respect.


But the scariest part was being bombarded with all the medical-legal issues right when I first stepped into my supervisor’s office. It sure didn’t help the fear and anxiety that I already had. Though it was good that my supervisor shared lots of medical-legal cases that had happened in the discipline/ward/hospital, it was pretty much a bad timing to do so for a ‘first day at work freshie’ :(


I started off as a floater. Being a floater is just about the worst job one can have. I felt super duper lost. Wearing the SN uniform and name tag isn’t a joke. Almost immediately, the pressure and responsibilities just fell on my shouders. Initially, I still felt pretty much as a student and still kept running to another SN to ask for help. But I soon realised that hey, I’m an SN myself and I got to do things myself independently already. Everybody just assumes you know everything and keep coming to you as if you are in charge of all the patients in the ward. It was a scary feeling because, well, I’m just a floater and am not in charge. Because of my limitations in the role that I was in, I was not able to know my cases well. As a result, I found myself running around doing tasks without knowing what is happening. Very scary and very dangerous. At the end of the first few days, I was so tired and hated this kind of work that totally went against my desire to provide good care for my patients. And so, I went super duper early to work and stayed back for a while to read up on the cases. Things got better as the days went by but with lots of ups and downs due to the many things that happened. I was in great internal tension about certain issues and was pretty much disappointed in the things I saw. Many questions flooded my mind. In an instant, I was back to being a yr1 student all over again. ( just that now with abit more insights and thoughts, but the questions remain the same) What am I here for? What is nursing? Is defense nursing right? How much is too much? Can I still do what I prioritise as important first amist many other opposing factors? Can the ideals be lived out? I searched and was terribly disappointed. I don’t know.


As always, God is good. He was the one who placed me there. He knows how much I can take. Lovingly, He took me out of the clinical area here and then for some time of reflection and rest. He brought people whom He used to encourage and inspire me once again. :)


Learnt so much from Prof Lim who is a real amazing leader. She is one powerful woman, yet very humble and serves with a servant’s heart. I am amazed when I heard her speak. She speaks with so much love and care. Although she deals with many high level planning and management, she never forgot the very reason why she is doing all of this. I learnt so much about leadership just by listening and seeing her loving & caring ways.


Also had a good time of meeting and catching up with my friends who are all posted to different wards/departments. It was a good time of open sharing about their struggles and challenges they faced. Sure, the NUS label sticks out prominently. The need to perform, the need to connect with others, yet not being influenced into following the culture and a good many other struggles.


Amidst all these, I turned my focus back on God. Although I felt disappointed with people around me, I know that God knows best. Yes, the place where He sent me is tough. In fact, I always get the same response from everyone who has worked there before. The usual response " Wah, good luck man. Its a crazy place. But if you can survive this place, you can survive anywhere in Singapore". Yet, I know that God has called me here. And obediently, I took that step of faith to obey Him. I know that my purpose here is more than just of the superficial things. I know too, that I need to go through this training. That this is one good training ground for God to teach me many important lessons. Yes, it will be tough. But yes, it is necessary for me as I move into the destiny God has called me for.


Lesson one learnt:
Change starts from me


I still believe in the ideals and hopes that I have for this profession and healthcare in Singapore. However, to get there, we'll need to change our attitudes. Although it will take a while for us to do so, lets try to forget ourselves and the expectations and pressures placed upon us. Actually, alot of these pressures are placed there ourselves. We can choose to move on beyond the labellings. We can move on beyond the complaining stage and learn to see how we can serve others. Let us learn to look at challenges as opportunities. Yes, opportunities are plenty everywhere to raise up the standards of nursing and change the culture here.


Lesson two:
Opportunities are everywhere


Actually, although we complain so much about how incompetent we may be and how the training in ALCNS is not up to standard, I see it in a different light. In fact, I think the training here is quite good. Sure, we will never be able to be competent enough when we graduate. ALCNS did not promise that either. But the best training ALCNS gave was forcing us to learn to learn. That is the most important skill. And I'm so glad that I learnt where to find the answers (though we were sort of forced to do so ourselves). NUS also gave alot of opportunities to learn. I thank God for bringing all these opportunities along my way. I feel that I am able to think critically on the spot and to pick up important clinical signs. The ability to prioritise through all the PBLs and case studies through the years. And yes, knowing how to react in an emergency through all the simulation trainings, clinical decision making module, emergency seminar training, OSCEs. And of course, the many nice tutors and lecturers from both nursing and medicine who have unrelently stood by our side no matter what happened. They have always been for us and with us. And I sincerely thank you for believing in us when we didn't believe in ourselves. Thank you for all the opportunities and teachings about life and perspective. Thank you for putting up with our complains and endless questionings. Thank you for the precious gifts of yourselves and lessons of life :)


Coming to SGH, I see so many opportunities all around. God is so good. I know that my training here will be one of the best that I can ever find in Singapore. Many do not see it. But I've learnt. To take a step back from looking at all the shortcomings and to look at so many other goodness of an organisation or situation.


I feel so blessed. To be given so many opportunities to have continuing education and to improve every single day. I just got to open my eyes and grab these opportunities :)


Lessson three
Ministry is all about people


Patients. At the heart of all we do.


I kinda disagree with this statement and changed it into something that I brought into the wards everyday.


People. At the heart of all we do.
Yes. People. What is ministry? Isn't it all about people? Jesus came to serve and minister. He ministered to everyone, high or low in status/position. I love what Prof Lim said. She reminded me that I serve people. Yes, not only patients. But everyone whom I am working with are all people. Nurses, doctors, patients, relatives, PCAs, Ah mahs, students, dietitians, MSWs, PT/OT, ST and everybody else. All are people. All are of importance. No such thing as patients more important than staff. Everyone is important.


 I want to be genuine in concern and love for people around me. Yes, not just to my patients but to all, including my supervisors. To do that, I need to refrain from speaking negative things but speak life. I must be committed to help them. You know, being a leader means getting people to follow you. I can be a much better leader and create much more influence on ground when I am serving together with my team mates everyday. I can impact the culture and place much more than what the top can by leading wherever I am in. Yes, I can. Because God has called me to be such. Though my skills and experience may not be there yet, I still can lead :) I lead by the way I deal with people- sincerity and love.




To change the culture, I need to lead by example. I’ll need to change my attitute towards nursing. I need to be there for my nurses. I need to be there for my doctors. I need to be there for all the team members involved in the care of my patients. No such thing as patients more important than staff. I serve people. All are of equal importance!

My dream...


I envision a new culture. A culture where there is acceptance, love and genuine concern for one another. A culture where blaming is not in our dictionary but rather having an environment of embracing each other, protecting one another and learning & growing together as a team.
 And so, I need to start it out first. To ask and learn from the experiences of the staff around me. And to offer any knowledge that I may have in humility so that we can build a team who is caring, united, with a learning culture, a servant’s attitude and all serving together in humility. Yes, even the students. Bring them into a conducive environment where they can learn how to care for the patients by first being cared for by the staff.




So yes, I'm back again. I'm back to where I first started out. I'm back to my Father, back to my calling, back to the purpose of why God has sent me here. To look beyond the micro things and see the macro view. To remember that  I am Evelyn, His light. So I'm changing my attitude. I want to declare that I am here for the nurses, the doctors, the allied staff, the organisation, the patients and their relatives. I want to speak life. I want to see a new team rising up, a team filled with love and compassion for one another and overflowing into the lives of our patients and families.

" Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God, without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life - in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. So you too should be glad and rejoice with me." - Philippians 2:14-18