I’ve got it so many times. That look on people’s face when I tell them I’m in nursing. Why? Why of all things did you choose nursing? These are questions every single one in our cohort has to deal with time and again.
This time however, it hit deep into the core of my heart. Esp when you hear news of fellow classmates quitting the course…When nurses everywhere keep asking you the same question over and over again… When you finally experience the reality of nursing and not just talk about it…
Today, I start to question myself once again. Yes, why nursing? Am I really made to be a nurse? What is really my God-given SHAPE?
Being in clinicals helps me face reality. You know, I don’t need a degree to be a nurse. Nursing is all about practicality. When you are really working and having patients under your very care, you really get to taste just a little of what is really required of a nurse. Being called ‘nurse-in-charge, that title comes with lots of responsibility which is not easy to shoulder. Nursing is not about the academic rigour. True, the curriculum demands much of your brains, time and effort. But nursing in reality demands much more than that. It demands your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. It calls for great perseverance, great strength, great love. It demands a part of you. It blows your mind away. I guess only a nurse can truly understand what I am trying to say....
Facing life and death each day, not knowing when your patients will slip away forces me to re-evaluate my care plan for my patients. Are all these really necessary? What is most important for the patient right now?
It is humbling indeed to learn about changing soiled diapers, giving thermal gargle, assisting the patients for bath, to the toilet, doing bed baths etc…These are essential skills every nurse must know. However, to serve like this for the rest of your life… That requires someone of great character, great strength and great love. It requires one of a very unique personality, one who has a heart of service, a heart of love.
I am privileged to meet some of these wonderful angels. These are no other than the assistant nurses (ANs). Do you know? They are in fact degree nurses, staff nurses overseas. However, upon coming over to Singapore, they have to work as ANs. I tell you, they are the most amazing people I have ever seen. They work with such great passion and love for their patients. Day and night, they go around doing basic care for their patients with a ready smile and armed with a touch of love for anyone in need. They are the ones that truly taught me most about what it means to serve with a heart of Jesus. That’s not all. They are so hungry for knowledge and push themselves to give the best care to their patients by reading up-to-date on the spot whenever they don’t understand the management plan for their patients. Wow! I must say that they are really the ones who have impacted me the most. They are indeed angels of the ward :)
With the wisdom my preceptor had, she assigned me to take care of my patients from top down. Meaning everything also " bao kao liao". From basic care to medications, to morning rounds to coordinating of the whole healthcare team.... Towards the end of this week, she asked me " Do you know why I asked you to do basic care for your patients even though the ANs can help you with it?". Her objective behind this really showed what a good nurse she is. " You know, its all too easy to leave the job of basic care to the ANs when you pass out. You will be very busy, sometimes to the extent of not even seeing your patient's faces for more than a few minutes each day. But by taking the effort to participate in providing basic care for your patients, it helps you to maintain the right nursing attitude and perspective. You know, basic care really helps you to know your patient and to spend that personal time with them." I can't agree more to that statement. Yes, I agree totally that basic care is so important in building the patient-nurse relationship. You know, being a staff nurse allows you to know every single medical detail of your patient. From the diagnosis, to the exact lab result reading, the X-rays, the management, the changes etc etc... But do I really know my patient? Do I really really know them as who they are if you take their medical condition out of the picture? I guess the answer will be no. The only way of really getting to know your patient is really, really to give of your time to them. And what better way to do that while providing basic care for them?
Someone once asked me this question. “Li Xin, will you stay in nursing for the rest of your life?” I thought for a while, looked at the person and shaked my head. “No, I may not.”, I replied. Why? Because nursing demands of a character that is far beyond me. It requires someone really special, someone really made by God for this profession. I don’t think I have that kind of character. Somehow, I feel that I am not really cut out to be a nurse. Somehow, I don’t feel belonged to this profession. What is my SHAPE? I don’t really know. But yet, somehow I know. But what I really do know is my desire to just glorify God in wherever He has placed me. Is my SHAPE important? Yes. But my SHAPE is decided upon and given to me by my Maker. Because of that, I would want to leave the destiny to Him. I know my responsibility is to glorify His name wherever I am now. There's one thing I know for sure too. That nursing is definately something God has called me to do right now at this moment, at this point in my life and that I have no regrets coming into this line no matter how unsettled my heart may feel at times.
Nursing is not a job, its an adventure. This statement reflects a great insight into what nursing is all about. Because nursing does take you on a rollar coaster ride, up and down, with a full range of experiences until you finally understand deep inside you that nursing isn't nursing till it happens in your heart.
3 comments:
=) jia you!
Dear Lixin,
as u journey on discovering yourself & ur SHAPE. Know that e Lord knows. Where He has called ya,He'll provide for u&His grace'll daily meet you. I'm so proud of you. I know your SHAPE is being worked on as well. God is interested in you, and continue to glorify Him wherever He has placed you. Love, Linnet
Thx linnet, for your encouragement :)
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