My identity, my staff

Today, I was asked a question. What is your staff? What is it that is uniquely me? Moses was a shepherd. His unique identity was that of a shepherd's staff. It was this staff that released many of God's miracles when Moses laid it down for God to use as he obeyed and walked into his calling.

What is your staff? I thought about it. And nothing came into my mind. Yes, nothing. I could find no unique thing that I am proud of that represented me. I realised then, that I have truly laid down everything for the Lord to use.

Ask me this question a few years ago, and many things would have popped up in my mind. So many things that could so called identify me ( my giftings, talents, calling). Yet this time round, nothing came. My friend was commenting the other day that we could proudly use RN behind or in front of our name. It was something to be proud of. We worked hard for it. And we've finally graduated from being a student nurse into becoming a full fledged RN. But surprisingly, none of this provoked a sense of achievement or excitement of a title change. I basically felt nothing. In fact, I'm not even looking forward to commencement. Commencement is supposed to be a day where every undergrad looks forward to. Congratulations are always everywhere in the air during this period of time. Yet, I basically had none of these graduating feelings.

Deep down in my heart, I have never identified myself fully as a nurse. Even when introducing oneself, it was always a very superficial intro " Oh, I'm studying nursing." It was weird to be prayed for to be a good nurse. Frankly speaking, I have never totally recieved this into my heart. Yes, I understand the heart behind it. And yes, I'm doing my best in wherever God has placed me at now. But I knew that God has called me to be something more. Something more than a nurse. More than just the superficiality of it, down into the very core of what he is calling me into... I always had this feeling. That nursing would be just part of my training. Yet, my true unique vocation would be something else. Graduation, would just be the start of something more.

I have yet to piece every single of my giftings and talents that God has so graciously lavished unto me into a single profession. I find my combination so unique, there is no one vocation that I can fit myself in. I would prefer to see myself as a servant of God, a child of God, uniquely and wonderfully made for His purpose. No occupation or staff can holistically represent all that God has made me to be. Because I'm God's unique one and only, and I'm not tied down to just being an RN or any other occupation. And for that matter, my life will never be bonded to any organisation, any occupation or ministry. My significance does not lie in all these titles or credentials or even calling/work/ministry... My significance lies in the only fact that I am a child of God, uniquely and wonderfully made for His glory- set aside for His purpose.

So maybe one day, I'll try. As God gives the inspiration, to draw out my very own staff that can truly represent and provoke a sense of purpose that can motivate me everytime I see it. And well, it will definately be uniquely me :)