I quarrelled with God

Today is the first time I quarrelled with God. Yes, this morning at 0245am. That was the time when I forced myself to go to bed with only half revision done for pharmaco.

Tossing and turning, I cried out to Jesus for help in desperation. “Daddy, help me.” I cried out. Jesus replied calmly “Trust in me. I will bring you through”. " But I've got so much I do not know. I am so ill-prepared for the paper later." " Just trust in me. I will bring you through."
"But...."

This kept going on and on until finally, Daddy had enough and scolded me. His tone changed and He angrily said “You don’t trust in me, don’t you? Now, trust in me!”. My human flesh took over and immediately, I shouted back “How do you expect me to trust you? What with only half the revision done, with plenty of drug names, mechanism of actions, PK, clinical uses, adverse effects, drug interactions etc etc not touched yet? Do you understand the stress I'm going through right now with 3 huge papers this week? What with psy pp in the afternoon and then followed by pharmaco next morning. There's just not enough time to finish revising in one evening! And to think that this is enough, I still have to fight a fever, malaise, tension headache (a real bad one), sore throat, rhinorrea and a stuffed up nose that leads to difficulty in breathing. All these in the midst of preparing for 3 big papers in a week! Can't you understand that I'm so so tired and stressed out? My entire body is screaming for a good rest. But I just couldn’t afford the time to sleep. Can't you understand that?!”

I felt so bad after that. It dawned upon me that this was the first time I had actually raised my voice and quarrelled with my beloved Jesus. Overwhelmed, I cried and ran to Him. He stood there holding me as I sobbed in his big arms.

Its then that I knew He knew. He always knew, just as how He always did. He knew that I didn't mean to raise my voice. He knew that I needed to shout out my pent up emotions raging inside me. He knew I was pushing myself so hard for His name. He knew that I wanted so much to glorify His name with the exam. He knew I just needed a big hug and a reassuring voice. He knew that above all, I still love Him.

After holding me for a while, Daddy Jesus stroked me and gently whispered in my ear, “Trust in me. I will bring you through. You got to believe my word for it.” Sobbing, I wiped my tears in his arms and hugged Him even harder. “ Daddy, help me”.
This time, it wasn't a prayer of help for the exams anymore. It was a prayer for help to believe Him. To believe in His word, to believe in His faithfulness...

Believe. An easy word to say, a tough word to live out.

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Pharmaco paper is finally over. Indeed, God is faithful. I should be able to pass.

Yet another testimony to testify about God's faithfulness.

I thank God He has brought me through this trying time. I thank Him for this trial. My faith in God has grown. I know it.

I learnt that I am still a little young girl in need of a Father's love and hug. I know that I will never grow out of that because I'll always be His little girl. I know that He is someone I can turn to whenever I need that comforting voice and hug. I know that He's always there and will never leave me nor forsake me.

I know that every word and promise He speaks forth will not go back to Him void.
I know deep in my heart that the voice of the Lord is powerful. That He is enthroned as King above the flood and is enthroned as King forever. Indeed, the Lord gives strength and blessses His beloved.

I know now once again that I can trust Him with my future and to believe in the dreams He has given me. I know I can trust in every word and promise He has given me.

I know, because I have experienced knowing Him.